The Perfect Swarm/Transcript

Fluttershy: [singing] Like fire, hellfire, this burning in my skin...

[incoherent babbling]

Fluttershy: Oh!

Parasprite: [babbling]

Fluttershy: Oh, hello, little demon spawn. Your giant eyes mean you're cute.

Parasprite: [babbling]

Fluttershy: Oh! Did you find a new friend? I killed it. Very good! The conditioning worked!

Parasprite: [cooing]

Fluttershy: You're just like me as a child! I wonder what else you can destroy?

Twilight Sparkle: Hurry up, Spike! You need to finish the book fort. I've already started for you.

Spike: Aw, I wish you would stack more than three at a time...

Twilight Sparkle: That's the retaining wall!

Spike: Why does Princess Celestia need a book fort, anyway?

Twilight Sparkle: She can't just sleep in the guest room! Princess Celestia requires a fortress of knowledge, built by you! No, Spike, that's still too small! You'll have to start over.

Spike: I know! But your blueprint is just a crude sketch and bad pun.

Twilight Sparkle: Great idea. You clean, and I'll think of some better names.

Spike: What about, All Quiet on the Western... Fort.

[door slamming]

Twilight Sparkle: Ohhh... Ahhh... Excellent! You're doing a great job watering those flowers. What's going on here?

Golden Harvest: We made a welcoming banner...

Twilight Sparkle: You made a banner for the wrong Princess! Take it down and save it for next week.

[sad trombone]

Twilight Sparkle: Still watering those flowers, I see? Good for you!

Twilight Sparkle: Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Cake! Do you have your act together?

Mrs. Cake: Well, we were building a cake fort for the Princess, but Pinkie Pie is taking over!

Pinkie Pie: [munching] [slurping]

Twilight Sparkle: Pinkie! We were supposed to stage this coup together, and now you've done nearly everything without me!

Pinkie Pie: I know, but the mush-making process just couldn't wait! These are crazy times we live in, Twilight! Crazy times!

Fluttershy: Pinkie! Watch how far I can slide! Well, what do you think? That was at least four feet.

Pinkie Pie: Looks great, Fluttershy! Talk about eye candy. [slurp] Well, was that all?

Fluttershy: Oh, that's right! I also discovered a new species.

Parasprites: [babbling]

Fluttershy: Huh? More?

Twilight Sparkle: Ooh! I'll take one home! It can help carry some of Spike's dead weight.

Fluttershy: Pinkie? Do you want one?

Pinkie Pie: Blech! No way! I already ate!

Fluttershy: But, they're free...

Twilight Sparkle: We meant as pets.

Fluttershy: These are intelligent creatures...

Pinkie Pie: And like I said, I already ate!

Twilight Sparkle: Ate what?

Pinkie Pie: An elephant! You know... [imitates elephant trumpet]

Twilight Sparkle: [sighs] And yet she's still skinnier than Spike.

Rarity: Stop struggling, Rainbow Dash!

Rainbow Dash: [annoyed] I can't! I need to dash! This is so un-rainbow!

Rarity: This isn't about you, this is about my giant hats!

Twilight Sparkle: Wow, Rarity! I love your giant hats.

Rarity: Why, thank you, Twilight. It's nice to see someone appreciates my giant hats.

Rainbow Dash: [annoyed] Blech. Talk about eye candy.

(coos)

huh?

Why is your hair alive?

(coos)

wow! How rainbow!

That's bizarre and ominous. this is the second time i've seen one multiply

you're mine now.

this will look perfect on a giant hat

a hostile takeover of ponyville is underweight, I need instruments to stop the parasprites!

ugh thanks a lot

oh I wish Spike had not spilled glitter everywhere. sometimes he can be such a disappointment

(coos)

(yawn)

I'll just have him lick it up in the morning

eaughh,   ahhh. Spike! What have you done?

huh? AHHH. they're in my eyes!

talk about eye candy,

I don't get it, we didn't have any guests last night, we just watched gremlins and an episode of star trek and went straight to bed. Look Twilight! they're building their own fort. the fort of the flies

That's way better than my book fort puns, and I slaved over those for weeks!

ahhhhg, I'll gather them up in one of rarities giant hats. woah ahh! I know I know. it's just a cheap knockoff

ohhh you little things will be much cheaper than those children overseas. stop! no complaining. ahh, eaugh. ewwwww. ohhhh talk about eye candy, no creature that behaves that revoltingly should be allowed to live

Look Rarity! I can stop the parasprites with this! isn't that great

Pinkie Pie, I don't have time for your tacky nonsense

You don't understand! I’m getting all these instruments to make a one woman band and lead the parasprites out of town!

Please Pinkie, stop speaking in fanicifal riddles. I'm trying to save ponyville.

but youre doing it wrong! I'm trying to help you

huh. I guess only I can make this look good

WOAH. rainboww

I was going to consult Fluttershy. she's always willing to help the community

Fluttershy what's going on here?

I don't know, my army of darkness has turned against me and now ponyville doesn't stand a chance!

This is almost as bad as that one time with Spike.

hey Spike, why won't he work together to finish this book fort

I'll stack this one but that's it.

I'm sorry to inconvenience you but I ask so little and I really need your help

I'mtoo dumb and fat and your blueprint is just a great sketch and a clever pun!

and now we're all going to die because of the parasprites and it’s Spikes fault!

Here's all those apples you wanted Fluttershy, the deal's that my family gets to live right?

oh. plans have changed

I've got it! we can make Applejack do our dirty work!

totally! Applejack loves manual labor

Alright everypony i've got a plan. We'll gather up all these critters and roll them over to the next town you two will be our birds eye-candy view. make sure there are no witnesses

rainbow!

get some!

Good thinking! use the flowers to draw the attention of the parasprites!

time to go back to hell where you belong. hang in there, we'll just push our ball of troubles away to the next town over then it'll be their problem, not ours just like the homeless, or pollution!

Great Applejack! now it's princess Molestias problem

easier than line dancing with a rattlesnake

now let's make Spike clean up

Fluttershy's house before the princess arrives

where did they come from!?

(screaming)

I'll be Pinkie Pie put them here

arhgg Pinkie Pie

Using her G**sy magic. her evil g**sy magic

Pinkie, we know you're behind this!

I've been trying to tell you we need music to stop the swarm

stop casting spells with your g**sy tongue and speak coherently we can't understand a word you're saying

me? g**sy? I'm not a g**sy? I'm a pastry chef, those aren't even similar. or are they?

forget her. there's no reasoning with silvertounges she's a few shotguns short of a wedding.

you can stop now. the entire town is being destroyed.

oh. if I knew this was going to happen I would have smothered the first one when I had the chance

if they get to my apples, NO! my life's work!

(gasps) if they get to my fashion line, my casual hobby!

Oh, I wish I could do something. (gasps) a cupcake! I'll use my magic to summon a giant cupcake!

you're in the eye-candy of the storm you should all evacuate. AHH

(screams in the background)

Twilight, that's not a cupcake!

you know what, I'm not even mad at you. you stick to your principals

(whining)

I know! I know. Rainbow dash. you're the sacrifice we'll build a giant book fort, and we'll live in there, and the princess will never have to know. it'll all be secret. but fun

oh no! The royal polka band is here. it's all over. wha?

Pinkie? The best princess ever is about to arrive. This is no time for your witchcraft?

there!

Twilight sparkle, my most faithful student and number one fan

number one?

it's so nice to see that you've actually made some friends for once

sooo. How was the flight? encounter much danger?

uh, what is this? (laughs) these creatures are horrifying!

they're still cuter than Spike

How has your studying been going Twilight sparkle? I know that books are your forte

fort  eh?

Unfortunately, I have to help my sister  princess molestia in the next town over. apparently someone rolled a ball of parasprites  into molestopia. and it crashed straight into a bowling alley knocking over all the pins

oh, that's kind of funny

oh, no, it actually killed eight ponies but I can see why otherwise that would be pretty funny

I'm sorry to have to put you through so much trouble

I'm Fine, were all fine

Before I have to go, would you like to give me your report on the magic of friendship in person?

my report  eh?

haven't you learned anything about friendship?

no not really

didn't you learn something about one of your dear friends?

Dear Princess celestia. today I learned that it doesn't matter if you can slide two feet, or even five or six feet. What's important is that you look cool no matter what.

I'm So proud of you Twilight sparkle you've learned so much about friendship and magic

i love you princess

She's leaving! she didn't notice all the carnage and dead ponies!

the future is as bright as a rainbow

Spike can clean this