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|The Many Deaths of Rainbow Dash|
|Date published||December 23, 2012|
The story is written in the third-person present-tense, from the perspective of Rainbow Dash. Rainbow Dash's thoughts will interrupt the story often, coming in the form of silent dialog. These thoughts are written in italics. The story also takes great lengths to describe how Rainbow Dash dies, what happens to her body, and many times the story gives an update post-mortem. Entire paragraphs at are dedicated to the state of Rainbow Dash's corpses.
Chapter 1 - A Little Black Book
The story starts with Rainbow Dash delivering a package of books to Twilight Sparkle. The books are all ancient texts, and it is Twilight Sparkle's job to transcribe them. However, Rainbow Dash discovers a book hidden in a secret compartment in the old crate. After handing the book over to Twilight, the purple unicorn discovers it to be a spell book written in Old Equestrian. Upon reading said book however, the book sets off a spell on its own, and targets Rainbow Dash due to Twilight inadvertently saying her name.
Twilight then performs some test on Rainbow Dash to see what kind of effect the spell might have had. Upon finding no anomalies however, she lets Rainbow Dash go. Rainbow Dash immediately heads to a flying competition where she plans to pull off a stunt that's supposed to clear a forest of trees. Instead of pulling the stunt off however, she crashes into the tress and out of sight. When the pegasi on hand go to investigate however, they find her shaken up, but otherwise unscathed. As soon as they leave however, Rainbow Dash heads over to Twilight's library and brings her to the crash site to show her brutally mangled corpse.
Chapter 2 - Body of Evidence
Twilight cleans up the area a little, and then the two ponies drag the corpse back to Ponyville into Twilight's library without anypony seeing them save for a close call with Fluttershy. After some experimentation and deductive reasoning on part of the two mares, they deduce that Rainbow Dash is now immortal, cannot feel pain, and is prone to gruesome death. Here, Rainbow Dash manages to get killed again by one of Twilight's contraptions falling on her. Rainbow Dash asks Twilight if they should just ask the Princesses for help. However Twilight doesn't want her mentor to find out she had been casting black magic, and asks that Rainbow give her a chance to fix it herself first.
Rainbow Dash then decides to head home, and on her way decides that it might be a good idea to have some fun with her curse before she gets cured.
Chapter 3 - Reaching for the Stars
After a night sleeping without remembering to eat dinner, Rainbow Dash wakes up to a thunderclap brought on by an experimental lightning bolt hitting her sometime early next morning. After shooing away the ponies responsible and dumping her latest corpse in the shower, she sets of to try and break the height record. However, she manages to fly clear out of the atmosphere into outer space. After getting asphyxiated and depressurized over half a dozen times, she manages to get back to thick enough air after repeated spawns.
Rainbow Dash then heads back down to earth, only to vaporize during re-entry, leaving only a rainbow colored trail behind. She then flys the rest of the way slowly. After landing for a moment to consider what stunt to do next, she manages to skewer herself on a branch during a blind take-off. After her second take-off she notices in the distance a cloud of smoke signifying that a dragon has moved into the area. She decides to deal with the problem herself. She finds that this dragon is broke, and is looking for gems. After subsequently telling him to move out and annoy him, the dragon kills her. However, she continues to annoy the dragon, causing him kill her several times more before finally giving up and leaving to look for gems elsewhere. He then kills her once more completely by accident, and Rainbow Manages to get killed one more time by one of her own corpses.
Having dealt with the dragon, Rainbow Dash realizes from the growling of her stomach that she is starving, although she can't feel it. She decides to get some food before she drops dead again, but Applejack intercepts her while she is flying over one of Sweet Apple Acres' orchards. Stopping to chat for a few moments, Rainbow Dash sits on the edge of a well next to decrepit shed that Applejack explains she plans to tear down. Just before Rainbow Dash leaves however, Applejack kicks one of the boards on the shed which ricochets into Rainbow Dash's direction, impaling her brain with one of its nails. Her corpse then falls into the well. While Applejack is left wondering what happened.
Chapter 4 - Unexpected Failures in Structural Integrity
The scene then cuts to Spike telling Twilight about seeing shooting stars falling out of the sky. Twilight on the other had is far too concerned with trying to find an antidote to Rainbow Dash's condition, something she doesn't let Spike in on. However, she takes a look out of her window when Spike points to a cluster of shooting stars that he says are leaving Rainbow Colored trails.
Applejack on the other hand is shouting down her well, asking Rainbow Dash if she is okay. Rainbow Dash then swoops down next to her, stealthily removes her skewered eye, and dumps it into the well without letting Applejack notice. Applejack then asks Rainbow Dash if she could do her a favor and take down her barn the rest of the way. Rainbow Dash does so, figuring that since she's done it before she couldn't possibly die while doing it. However, while she doesn't die, she does get a minor wound on her side. Applejack tells her that she can patch her up and give her some food, before steering her towards her house.
At Applejack's house, Rainbow Dash takes note of the uncanny amount of sharp tools that had been moved from the shed into the kitchen, something Applejack explains was done to make room for more cows. While Applejack goes upstairs to get some bandages, Rainbow Dash tries to wash her wound. However, no water comes out of the pipes. In an attempt to get some water going, she bucks the piping under the sink, causing it to burst and a part of it gets lodged in her neck. After dying, Rainbow Dash dumps her corpse out the window and tells Applejack the strange water color is due to rust when she comes down. She also gives herself another side injury before Applejack notices she's missing the old one.
Applejack then bandages Rainbow Dash up and goes to make Rainbow Dash some apple fritters. Rainbow Dash then notices that an alarming number of nails are protruding from her hoof, something she attributes to a spilled bucket of nails lying on the floor. After Applejack gives her food she goes upstairs to check on the plumbing, whereas Rainbow Dash begins to remove the nails in her hoof. However, on the last nail, the bathtub on the floor above falls through the floor and then some, creating a fairly deep hole in the kitchen floor as well. Rainbow Dash also happened to be in the way.
After a Rainbow Dash pops into existence again, she tosses her newest corpse out the window, scoops her any remains into a bucket, and tosses them out as well. However she slips on a rolling pin and very nearly skewers herself on a plank jutting out of the hole in the roof. She doesn't, opting instead to receive the tail end of a complex chain reaction created by the rolling pin, the end result being a hatchet embedded in her leg. She pulls it out only to trip on the rolling pin again which results in her cutting her leg clean off.
Rainbow Dash then hurriedly tosses her leg out the window before taking a seat at the dinner table, hiding her severe injury under the table cloth. Applejack comes back downstairs to find Rainbow Dash looking very pale. Rainbow Dash then distracts Applejack by telling her to look at a swarm of fruit bats outside, and then crawls under the table and dies while her friend's attention is diverted. She then ushers Applejack back upstairs, claiming that that she heard more creaking.
Rainbow Dash decides to just leave, but not after adding her latest addition to the pile outside. She then realizes that she lost track of her dismembered leg. She finds it lying next to Fluttershy, who is staring at the unsightly pile of Rainbow Dash corpses. After giving a soft high-pitched whine, Fluttershy faints. Rainbow Dash then throws all her bodies and their parts down the well before setting off for Sugarcube Corner in hopes of getting a meal.
Chapter 5 - Helping Hooves
Rainbow Dash tries to safely navigate her way to Sugarcube Corner, but finds the market square to be extremely busy and hazardous. Particularly with a building demolition in progress, a soap vendor smiling his products, some pegasi carrying a piano, and a chainsaw juggler. Distracted by all this, Rainbow Dash sets her tail on fire with a nearby chimney, but manages to put it out on the ground without getting any serious burns. Rarity then comes over and shows off some sharp diamonds, then Scootaloo asks Rainbow Dash to watch the crusaders go for chainsaw juggling cutie marks (to which Rainbow Dash has Big Mac put a stop to). Finally however, when Rainbow Dash gets to sugarcube corner, she finds that they are out of stock. After helping Mrs. Cake fish a spoon out a garbage disposal without incident, and ducking Mr. Cake wielding a blow torch, she dies when Pinkie Pie suddenly shows up and a furnace door slams in her face, twice. Pinkie Pie doesn't believe it at first, but the on the second time, Rainbow Dash promises to explain everything to her.
Rainbow Dash then explains the whole situation to Pinkie Pie, before getting killed by a bee hive falling on her head. Pinkie Pie then tells her that this would be a great time to do some experimenting , and so convinces Rainbow Dash to commit suicide by eating some lit fireworks. She then asks Rainbow Dash if she thinks she could try controlling where she re-appears, and so they attempt to practice, first with Pinkie Pie launching some rocks and sticks out of her party cannon and into Rainbow Dash's face. She claims she thinks it's working, and so decides to try again, but this time by impaling herself on a tree branch.
The scene then switches to Spike who is worried about Twilight and is trying to ween information about what is going on from her. Applejack then appears at the door carrying an unconscious Fluttershy. Twilight asks Applejack for assistance in finding Rainbow Dash and they head to the field she saw the two heading two. There, they find Rainbow Dash impaled on the tree, but still alive, and Pinkie Pie swinging from her guts. Pinkie Pie then non-chalantly asks if they could help assist her in killing Rainbow Dash.