Applejack: Boy, let me tell ya. I sure do love apples.
Twilight Sparkle: Applejack, what are you doing? You can't eat all those fucking apples.
Applejack: Fuck you, I "can't eat all these apples!" [chewing]
Twilight Sparkle: Man, I've never seen a pony eat so many apples!
Rainbow Dash: Wohohoho, Applejack. You eat all those apples, you're gonna get a wicked bad tummy ache.
[licking, kissing, and chewing]
Rarity: Whoa, hey guys, check it out! Applejack's eatin' a shit-loada apples!
Fluttershy: Hey, hey, hey. This I gotta see!
Applejack: Hey sugar cubes, look, I'm a walrus. [imitating sounds]
Pinkie Pie: Man, Applejack. You eat all those apples, you're gonna get a wicked-bad tummyache.
Rainbow Dash: Ah, no way, I'd just said the same thing, you crazy cunt. [laugh]
Twilight Sparkle: Go Applejack, go!
[chewing, gulps, sighs]
Spike: Oh my god, Applejack, you're crazy, dude. [snickers]
Applejack: [demonic voice] MORE APPLES. [chews]
Spike: Yo, Applejack. Y'allright?
[regurgitation noises]
Spike: Yeah, you're gonna be fine.
Twilight Sparkle: Lemme tell'ya. That pony sure does love apples!


Twilight Sparkle: Dear sweet Celestia! Discord, the god of chaos, has returned from his stoned imprisonment to lay waste to everything and everyone we hold dear! Spike, we have only one option. We must locate the Elements of Harmony!
[Spike lights and smokes bong]
Spike: Yeah, far out, dude.


Fluttershy: [eating]
Twilight Sparkle: [poking]
Fluttershy: Hey, hey, hey. Quit poking me with your thing.
Twilight Sparkle: Fluttershy, have you seen the Elements of Harmony? I can't find them anywhere!
Fluttershy: Hey, hey, hey. I've sure haven't, purple guy. Stay out of my shed, okay?
Twilight Sparkle: Wanna help me look, Rainbow Dash?
Rainbow Dash: Yeah, why don't you suck my tit, you dumb bitch. [laugh] Swag.
Twilight Sparkle: I know! I'll ask Rarity!
Twilight Sparkle: [knocking] Rarity, get your fat ass out here and help me find the Elements!
Rarity: Oh, I simply can't darling. I'm entertaining family today.
Twilight Sparkle: You're family with over thirty illegal Mexican immigrants?
Rarity: Of course dear, who do you think makes my dresses? They come over, they look at my posters, I pretend to whip them, it's a silly pretend game. Haha, like a family tradition. Hohohohohoho. Except they're not allowed to leave.
Twilight Sparkle: That doesn't exactly seem ethical, Rarity.
Rarity: [laugh] Oh, please. Everybody knows Mexicans aren't real people.
Paco: Oh, missus Rarity. My little fingers hurt from making so many dresses against my will.
Rarity: Oh, my poor baby. Let mamma Rarity look, I'll fix you up. [magic] No need to thank me my dear. Generosity is my middle name.
Paco: Oh no, looks like hard times ahead for Paco.
Rarity: Oh, I truly am the most beautiful creature in all of Equestria. To gaze upon me is to know divinity itself.
Mexican woman: Mrs. Rarity, I am so thirsty...
Rarity: [spit] Drink that dear.
Mexican woman: When are you going to pay us, Mrs. Rarity?
Rarity: I'm sorry darling, I can't understand your thick accent. You simply must learn to speak English properly if you're going to live in this country.
[Twilight farts]
Rarity: Oh, Fluttershy. I've had the help throw together a little dress for you. Maybe now you won't look like such an unwashed tramp.
Fluttershy: [from under dress] Hey, hey, hey. Stay out of my shed.
Rarity: Yes, that's me, the most generous pony in Ponyville.
Mexican man: Revolución.
Rarity: I'm sorry darling, I'm ever so certain I don't speak that...ghastly...taco-language of yours...
Mexican man: Revolution.
Rarity: That's what I was afraid you said.
[closes door]
Rarity: No, no, not my face! Not my generous face! No, agh, no! Help! This is hurt, this is a generous beating! Oh! Oh dear, oh my!
Discord: I am your god now, bring me your virgins!


Apple Bloom: Look girls, I finally got my cutie mark! I got my cutie mark, girls! Girls, where y'all goin'?


Spike: Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba
Rainbow Dash: Shi, shi, shi, shi, shi, shi, shi, shi, shi, shi, shi, shi, shi, shi, shi
Pinkie Pie: Ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma
Rainbow Dash: Woah, woah, woah. Wait up, y'assholes. What are we doing here?
Spike: Twilight said we have to find something called the... Helements of Armory. We have to look in Fluttershy's shed.
Pinkie Pie: Wait a minute, didn't Fluttershy say something about people going in her shed?
Spike: Hmmm. [flashback]
Rainbow Dash: Yo, Fluttershy, you wanna play spin-the-bottle with us?
Fluttershy: [nervous laugh] C'mon you guys, don't tease me, I'm shy. [laugh] Stay out of my shed.
Rainbow Dash: Yo, I'm bored, you wanna go hang out with Fluttershy?
Pinkie Pie: Okay.
Rainbow Dash: Hehehe, take that, you stupid cunt. Yeah, welcome to Ponyville, faggot. Bada-boom!
Fluttershy: [laugh] Good one guys, urgh, you really got me. Stay out of my shed, okay?
Host: And this year's prom queen is... Fluttershy!
Fluttershy: Oh my god! Now that I've won this, I finally like myself!
Rainbow Dash: Yo, this is gonna be so totally fucking rad.
[bucket, dripping]
Spike: Hey guys, look. Fluttershy's all wet. [laugh]
[laughter] [camera shutter]
Rainbow Dash: Yo, that's my period, you dumb bitch, that's my period! [laugh]
Fluttershy: No, don't laugh at me! Stop laughing at me! Stay out of my shed! Stay out of my shed! [echoing]
Spike: I think she said we're always welcome in her shed.
Spike: Oh my god! ...Look at all this porn!
Rainbow Dash: [raging wingboner] Swag.
Pinkie Pie: Man, Fluttershy sure has a lotta weird art.
Rainbow Dash: Yeah, but what do you expect from some quiet bitch who spends all her time in the woods with small woodland creatures.
Pinkie Pie: Yeah, what a freak. [laughs]
Spike: Oh god, look what she did to Derpy! She turned her into a... decorative, toaster cozy.
Fluttershy: Hey hey hey. What'd I tell y'all about coming in my shed?!
Spike: Well, we're fucked.
Fluttershy: Take it away, fellas.
I'm gonna sing a song for you
And I'm gonna show you a thing or two
So have a seat, my dear
And if it's all the same
Just sit back, and relax
While I eat your brain
Na, na, na, gonna eat your brains
Brain, brain, brains
Na, na, na, gonna eat your brains
Na, na, na, gonna eat your brains
Police officer: Alright, alright. What's going on in here?
Fluttershy: Um, this isn't what it looks like? [nervous laughter]
[canned laughter]
Spike: Why have things been so weird around here lately?
Pinkie Pie: My daddy makes me put glass in my vagina.
Spike: Yeah, okay, well, good luck with that.


[Celestia attacks Discord; Discord bites off her head]


Spike: So Twilight, how come we're hanging out in a pony boneyard?
Twilight Sparkle: We need six ponies present, or the Elements of Harmony don't work, Spike! Fluttershy killed Rainbow Dash and we've got to try to bring her back!
Spike: Man, you are one crazy talking horse. [laughs]
Twilight Sparkle: I'm going to try a black magic resurrection spell.
Spike: How about you resurrect my penis? With sex.
Spike: What?
Twilight Sparkle: [reciting black magic] For thou who sleeps in stone and clay, heed this call, rise and obey. Trek unto the mortal door, assemble flesh, and walk once more!
[Spell resurrects a monster, who joins Discord in destroying the city. The two monsters high-five.]
Twilight Sparkle: Oops, guess that was the wrong spell.
Spike: Any more bright ideas, Einstein?
[canned laughter, honk. "That's Spike!"]
Twilight Sparkle: Oh, I'm full of ideas, Spike. I'm a genius!
Twilight Sparkle: Behold, the R-Dash 5000! Physically superior to Rainbow Dash in every way. I figure if we don't have the real Rainbow Dash, then building a Rainbow Dash is the next best thing!
Spike: You're an idiot.
[The robot comes to life]
R-Dash 5000: Crush. Kill. Destroy. Swag. Crush. Kill. Destroy. Swag. Crush. Kill. Destroy. Swag. Crush. Kill. Destroy. Swag. Crush...
Spike: Smooth moves, smart guy.
[canned laughter, honk. "That's Spike!"]
Twilight Sparkle: There's one last thing we haven't tried, Spike. One place where even a maverick mind like my own has feared to tread!
Spike: Uhh, Twilight, you're starting to sound less like a maverick and... more like a maniac.
Twilight Sparkle: History is full of maniacs, my friend. Men and women of intellect, highly perceptive individuals whose brilliant minds knew neither restraint nor taboo. Such notions are the devils we must slay for the edification of ponykind, even if said edification means violating the rules of decency, society, and righteousness itself.
Spike: Blah blah blah, keep talking, you stupid cripe.
Spike: Ugh.
Twilight Sparkle: Take her. We've got to get back to the lab before anypony sees us.
Spike: You're the boss.
[thunder clap]
[footsteps, thud]
Spike: Aw, this is fuckin' rad, dude.
[squishing sounds]
Twilight Sparkle: Listen closely, Spike. What happens here tonight must never leave this room, for if anypony were to know of this gross bastardization of God's law, their ignorance would label this as the ultimate crime of hubris.
Spike: Are we gonna rape it?
Twilight Sparkle: Spike, this is serious! You can't tell anypony, because we'll be in deep trouble -
Spike: Y'know, you can say "anybody". Instead of "anypony". Frankly I don't see what the point of that is. I would've known what you had meant if you had said "anybody". Seems to me like that's the kind of thing that everybody's doing just because everybody else is doing it. So...
Spike: What? Look, I'm cool, dude! I'm down! Okay? Frankly I'm just happy to be here today. Let's just zap this bitch already, okay? I'm gettin' antsy. [in the distance] Give me a break today, huh? My girlfriend's trying to get me to quit weed.
[bubbling, zapping]
Twilight Sparkle: This is my favorite kind of magic!
[clacking sounds, squee]
Twilight Sparkle: Now, Spike, pull the switch!
Spike: I've heard of shock humor but this is ridiculous!
[zapping continues]
Twilight Sparkle: That's enough! Pull the power!
[machine powers down, sizzling, poof]
Spike: Yo Rainbow Dash... y'allright?
Twilight Sparkle: Ugh, I don't get it. In movies, when they shock dead bodies with lightning, they always come back to life. I thought it would be that simple!
Spike: I guess it's true what they say: there really is no sense in beating a dead horse.
Twilight Sparkle: Oh well, go bury her again.
[Spike grunts, clang]
Spike: Didn't get me a birthday present last year. [Imitating Rainbow Dash] Fuckin' biiitch!
Twilight Sparkle: Dear Princess Celestia, today I learned... well, maybe I'll learn something tomorrow.
Spike: Hey, how's about a wanna have a pizza pie? [canned laughter] That's my catchphrase.



Spike: Bor-ing! What else is on?
Narrator: Pinkamena Diane Pie was the first true celebutante of the pony world. Over the course of her life, the limelight she experienced broadcasted her most intimate moments to a sensationalist public, and the world watched as she transformed from an innocent pop icon loved by millions into a disastrous cautionary example about the dangers of an insatiable addiction to partying.
[buzzing, title screen for "True Equestria Story"]
Narrator: Pinkie Pie's downward spiral began in 2009, on her twenty-first birthday.
Lyra and Bon Bon [in background]: Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!
Pinkie Pie: [gulping, puking]
Narrator: With new found freedom and her inhibitions entirely abandoned, she was left to explore a frightening nightclub world without a single notion of moderation.
[zooming, snapshots]
Pinkie Pie: [mumbling slowly] No, don't shoot my pretty pink princess...
Narrator: Wherever the party took her, the paparazzi shadowed her relentlessly, eager to document her tragic over-indulgence.
Pinkie Pie: [mumbling] I think I'm getting my period...
[spraying sounds]
Narrator: After a brief fling with Alice & Chains guitarist Jerry Cantrell in 2010, Pinkie Pie's partying escalated from drinking to heavy drug use.
Spike: She started chasing that purple dragon. Not me, 'cause I'm a purple dragon, but I mean, like, heroin. Oh, it's a metaphor, look it up, you have the Internet! But I mean, come on, everyone knows drugs are dangerous.
[Spike lights and smokes bong]
Spike: [cough] [constricted] This isn't a drug! [snort]
Narrator: Pinkie's experimentation with cocaine also took its toll.
[twitching and tapping sound effects, birds that progressively grow louder]
Pinkie Pie: [shouting, speaking quickly] You know what I can't stand? Internet piracy! How would you like it if musicians stole from you? What if Cannibal Corpse stole your precious glasses? And you! What would you do if Ringo Starr waltzed into your house, and stole your... uh, favorite dress!
Octavia: I think I'd mostly just be confused?
Narrator: In 2011, the scandal reached its peak, when explicit footage leaked onto the Internet, featuring Pinkie performing sex acts on a currently unidentified partner.
[sucking and slurping noises in background]
Pinkie Pie: Yeah, that feel good, baby?
Big Macintosh: Eeeyup!
Narrator: The tabloids were merciless.
Spike: Oh, she'd fuck anyone. Chicks, dudes, didn't matter. Fat guys, skinny guys, guys who climb on rocks, dogs, cats, squirrels, bugs, snails. She fucked a snail! I watched her fuck a snail once. That sounds weird, right, just hearing me say it? Imagine how weird it was to see it. She fucked a snail!
Narrator: As the partying continued to become more extreme, Pinkie became belligerent, and lashed out at her friends; on several occasions, calling them in the wee hours of the morning.
Pinkie Pie: [in background] Spiiiiiiiiiiike...
Spike: [in background] What?
Pinkie Pie: [in background] Spiiiiiiiiiiike...
Spike: [in background] What?
Pinkie Pie: [in background] Spiiiiiiiiiiike...
Spike: What?
Pinkie Pie: Spiiiiiiiiiiike...
Spike: What? Who is this?
Pinkie Pie: It's Pinkiiiiiiieeeee
Spike: [annoyed] What do you want?
Pinkie Pie: [noticeably slurring] I always thought you were cute. Come over and fuck me.
Spike: I think I'd rather stick my dick in an anthill.
Pinkie Pie: I want you... to get some beer... get some Oxycontin... come to my house...
Spike: Let me stop you right there because I'm not going to do any of this. It's 3 AM.
Pinkie Pie: Come on Spikey, I thought we was friends.
Spike: Well, no offense friend, but I hope you're buried alive.
Pinkie Pie: [grunt] Hang on... there's this stupid bitch staring at me... [silence] Oh wait, that's me, I'm lookin' in a mirror. [silence] ...Hang on, I gotta go talk to this mirror, I'll call you back, Spike. [hanging up sound effect, dial tone]
Twilight Sparkle: I thought it might motivate Pinkie to get straightened out if we got a bunch of her friends together and sat her down. Not because I care about her, but, y'know... Elements of Harmony.
Narrator: And so Twilight set her plan into action.
Pinkie Pie: [shoves] [slurring] Don't touch me, motherfucker.
Bon Bon: I'm texting my dog.
Twilight Sparkle: What kind of turnout is this?! [whispering] Spike, this is supposed to be an intervention! Where is everypony?
Spike: Applejack's in a coma, Rarity's being held captive by Mexicans, Fluttershy's in the nuthouse, and Rainbow Dash is dead. Anymore questions, smart-ass?
Pinkie Pie: [vomiting]
Spike: [sigh] I knew I should've stayed in bed today.
[canned laugh track]
Twilight Sparkle: Pinkie Pie, you need help. You're addicted to parties!
Pinkie Pie: Shut up, you're just jealous 'cause boys think I'm prettier than you! You have a big horse face!
Twilight Sparkle: No I don't! [whinnies]
Pinkie Pie: You guys aren't my friends. My only friend is 40 oz of 190 proof straight vodka. [chugging]
Spike: That's im-possible. Fuck, me, Pinkie, you are amazing!
Pinkie Pie: [groan] I think I'm having my period.
[spraying sounds]
Spike: Oh dear god it GOT IN MY MOUTH! You got any more fluids you wanna spray on me, you stupid cunt?
Twilight Sparkle: Yeah, this could've gone better.
Lyra: It's twins, in case anyone's gonna ask.
Lyra: I'm gonna name 'em Snoopy and Prickly Pete.
Narrator: In a PR attempt to be perceived as more of a victim of circumstance, Pinkie released an autobiography entitled, "My Daddy Made Me Put Glass In My Vagina", describing in great detail her relationship with her father, the Reverend Peter Daniel Pie.
Peter Pie: Don't believe a word this book says. I didn't insert glass into my daughter's genitals, ok? I didn't force her to eat her own hair. I did not hit her over the head with a Sega Dreamcast in a fit of drunken hysteria. And I did not lock her in the basement and blast "Blood on the Dance Floor" for seventeen hours straight, when she refused to say the Lord's Prayer. What is that, a band? I don't even know!
Pinkie Pie: Yes, I lied about my father. But I had a good reason! Nobody was paying any attention to me.
Narrator: Pinkie Pie's story is a tragic tale of how fame, money, and indulgence can bastardize any of us. If something as pure and adorable as a fluffy pink pony can be tempted into a sinful life of self-destruction, none of us are safe. After an arrest for attempting to shoplift large quantities of ammonia and pseudo-ephedrine in April of 2012, Pinkie is currently once again undergoing rehabilitation, and her future is uncertain.
Man: You might ask yourself why things like this can happen. Are we, the public, to blame? Is it our sadistic lust for watching these giants fall and crumble, that pressures them into their ultimate downfall? And finally, why do we, as the media, choose to report all of this to you? The answer is simple: because there is not a single thing happening in this world right now that's more important than the personal lives of celebrities.
[sounds of the city being destroyed, lasers firing]
Man: Pinkie Pie has brought smiles and joy to so many ponies throughout the years. With how exhausting it can be to bring happiness to others, perhaps it's no surprise that she seeks parties as an escape from her stressful life. Regardless of it all, one thing is certain: we should all be far less judgmental of this innocent, beautiful creature.
Man: Psst, hey, um, hm, what, uh, what are your rates?
Pinkie Pie: Ten for a tuggie, twenty for a blowie, and twenty-five if the cameraman's gonna watch.


[wind whistling]
[Discord and Wolflor stomping off, R-Dash 5000's flying off, chanting "Crush, Kill, Destroy, Swag"]
[Derpy toaster clanking, paper rustling]
Twilight Sparkle: [sigh]


[squish, repeated]
Rainbow Dash: [screaming]
Spike: [screaming] What the fuck! You're alive?! Oh my god... Did Twilight's experiment really bring you back from the dead?
Rainbow Dash: I was nevah dead, I was in a coma! Thanks for buryin' me alive, by the way.
Spike: Oh, yeah, sorry about that. I guess at some point, somebody probably should've taken your pulse or something.
Rainbow Dash: Well, what'd I miss, fag?
Spike: Uh... thing haven't been going so great, actually. Discord, Wolflor, an army of robots that look like you, tornadoes, fires, earthquakes, meteors, there was a flesh-eating virus for a while, a bunch of people got lymphoma after the bombs dropped, then there was this whole civil war between the Earth ponies and the Pegasi...
Rainbow Dash: Where's Twilight?
[wind whistling]
Rainbow Dash: Hey Twilight, how's ya hamma hangin'? Yo, I'm back, are ya happy to see me? Hey Twilight, who am I? [droop] Who am I Twilight? I'm you, souahpuss! [chuckle]
Twilight Sparkle: I wanted to save Ponyville, but I couldn't do it. I failed... All because I was abandoned by people I thought were my friends... Rarity, Fluttershy, Pinkie, none of them would help my find the Elements of Harmony! Now everyone in Ponyville is dead. So much for friendship being magic...
Rainbow Dash: Aw, c'mon Twilight, there's no problem friendship can't solve! ...Yeah, okay, that sounded kinda gay. But you'll see! This is nothin' a little sonic rainboom can't fix! Watch!
[whoosing, zooming sounds]
[loud wind whooshing]
[boom, whirring sounds]
Apple Bloom: Look girls, I finally got my cutie mark! I got my cutie mark, girls! Girls, where y'all goin'?
Booming voice: [shouting] DISCOOOORD!
[booming hoofsteps]
Rainbow Dash: You've ravaged this city, crushed our homes, and destroyed countless lives. The atrocities you've committed against ponykind are abhorrent and unforgivable, and demand swift, sovereign justice. But because I am honor bound, by the laws of peace and amnesty, I am issuing one final warning to you, Discord: leave this place, or die.
Discord: [roars]
Rainbow Dash: You've got it.
Twilight Sparkle: Gott im Himmel.
Rainbow Dash: Aw, shit, did I just squish someone?
[whirring, laser, explosion]
Spike: Well, might as well make this interesting.
[marijuana cigarette crackling, trippy sound effects]
Discord: [roar]
[sounds of battle]
Rainbow Dash: [grunting of pain]
Discord: You cannot defeat me, rainbow pony. Your virgins will be mine, and your world will buuuuuurn.
[stretching, Rainbow Dash screaming out]
Scootaloo: Rainbow Dash! Please, get up! You've gotta get up, Rainbow Dash! You can do it; I believe in you!
Rainbow Dash: Nobody fucks with Rainbow Dash.
Discord: Ponies are for little girls!!
Rainbow Dash: Twilight! Now!
[tinkling, spell being performed]
Discord: [screaming]
Rainbow Dash: Swag.
[zapping, slicing]
Rainbow Dash: [roar]
[gurgle, spurt, spraying]
Spike: I hate Mondays.
[canned laugh track]
Paco: [gasp] Look, Missus Derpy, a penny! Oh, and it's heads up, too! See a penny, pick it up, and all the day you have good luck! I guess this must be our lucky day!
[cascade of blood rushing by, sloshing]
Spike: Oh god, it got in my mouth again!
Paco: Yo, step off me, shithead!
Rarity: Paco! Did you just say the "s-h" word?
Paco: Oop, sorry, Missus Rarity.
[Rainbow Dash shrinking]
Spike: [slow, echo-effect] Yo, Rainbow Dash... y'alright?
[medical machinery beeping]
Twilight Sparkle: Rainbow Dash, you were absolutely wonderbar out there!
Rarity: You were positively fabulous, darling! And I'm not just being generous!
Fluttershy: Hey hey hey! You can come in my shed any day.
Pinkie Pie: Geeze, Dashie, you're one helluva party animal!
Spike: [exasperated sigh] Thank you for saving Ponyville, Rainbow Dash. I guess.
Fluttershy: Seriously though, don't come in my shed.
Rainbow Dash: Aw, geeze, my wings ah gone. Yeah, not like I wanted those or anything; those wings that I use to fly.
Pinkie Pie: Hey, y'know what I still don't undahstand? Whateva did happen to those Elements a' Hahmany?
Spike: Hey look! Here are the Elements of Harmony! They were up my nose the whole time.
[sci-fi sound effects]
Rainbow Dash: Yo, what the fudgesicle?
Pinkie Pie: Look, it's Applejack!
Spike: Applejack, where have you been? I feel like we haven't seen you in forever.
Applejack: Hey y'all! Ah'm back from mah adventures in another dimension!
Spike: Yeah, okay, whatever, nobody really cares.
Applejack: Nobody cares?! But ah saved the entire multiverse from a giant-
Spike: Nobody cares, Applejack!
Applejack: B-but ah...
Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Spike, and Rainbow Dash: Nobody cares!
Spike: You stupid cunt, shut your fucking mouth! Oh my god, shut up, shut up, a million times shut up, I'm going to kill you, shut up. Nobody cares.
Rainbow Dash: Hey guys, know what I just realized? We're, uh, all together again. Y'know, like, uh, family, or somethin'.
Twilight Sparkle: I guess friendship really is magic!
Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Twilight Sparkle, and Rarity: Awwww!
Spike: Man, you guys are gay. I need to get some guy friends.
[Applejack rapidly eating apples]
Applejack: Well, ah did it. I ate every apple in the whole dang orchard. Every last one. How d'you like them apples?
[crash, blink]
Fluttershy: [menacingly] You're in my shed.



Spike: Hey, Paco. Come over here, check it out. It's a teckdeck.
Paco: Ohh, man, that is so sick.
Spike: Hang on. Watch, I can make it ollie. Hang on.
[more clacking]
Spike: [muttering] Sonofa bitch. [speaking normally] You have to push your finger forward while you're... [muttering] going... [speaking normally] You put y- You put your... this finger back and this finger goes forward... all at the sa- you push down on the back and then you go [muttering] up at the front... [sigh]... can do like a kickflip thing... hang on.
Spike: My brother can grind, I can't grind - I haven't learned the grind yet, so... but... [muttering] y'can do, like, on the edge of a table or something.
Spike: Hey, you wanna see something even cooler?
[dramatic sounds]
["Spike" pulls "his" mask off, revealing that "he" is June from Wacky Game Jokez, 4 Kidz!]
June: Surprise! It's me, June!
[Seinfield credits]
Community content is available under CC-BY-SA unless otherwise noted.