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Oh, I'm so glad that we released that panther for Spike to play with.
Twilight, help! I distracted the panther, so we should be safe for now
Dear Twilight, I reluctantly write to you about your official duties as Princess of the Night. As Princess, you must be present for an upcoming wedding and I have also arranged to keep your annoying friends busy. Fluttershy, I would like you to draw a maze in one minute that takes two minutes to solve.
I can do that! I'll make it a circle.
Pinkie Pie, your dialogue will be cut for time.
It's all I ever dreamed o-
Applejack, you will be writing all vows and speeches.
Well, hoe-down apple barbeque!
Rainbow Dash, just sit perfectly still and try not to break anything.
Yes!
Rarity, you will be responsible for literally everything else in the ceremony!
And as for you Twilight, though tradition demands you be present, I expect to see as little of you as possible. With dread but cautious optimism, Princess Celestia. But this is just paper. I wanted a present!
Oh! Um, maybe she put some stickers or a gift card in here!
P.S.: You will be attending the wedding of Princess Cadence Not-evil-Good-pony, and My brother!?
Your brother's Francis Sparkle? I didn't know you were related to the lead singer of pop band B.B.B.F.F!
(song) Hey baby, I'm the only colt
Ugh, you know I don't like to brag! Francis said when he left with his band that he would come back for me! That's the only reason I allowed him to leave!
Yeah Twilight, it's majorly uncool that you didn't find out about this sooner. You're so smart and pretty and a WAY better match for Francis! You're so beautiful Twilight I wish WE could be together.
Sandwich, I TOLD you I don't have feelings for you. I'm holding out for Mr. Right, and that's my brother!
Um, Twilight, you're even scaring me.
I'm sorry, it's just that I always thought that I was the one for my brother. I'm in love with him. We're not biologically related. He and I were raised side by side, but he was actually adopted, so technically it's ok that I'm also attracted to him!
I gave you my heart and then you turned around
The secrets that we shared, the moments that you cared
I gave you my heart and then you turned around
We went streaking in the park, skinny dipping after dark
I gave you my heart and then you turned around
Depressing melodies, suppressing fantasies
I gave you my heart and then you turned around
I always wanted my own brother, And then he showed up at our door. I didn't question where he came from. I wasn't lonely anymore. Soon we did everything together. He taught me how to fly a kite. I watched him grow into a stallion. I watched him sleep in bed at night. It's not. Creepy. But then he signed that record label. A cute quintet of boyish sound. But now that everybody loves him, I'm just a face out in the crowd. I threw myself into my studies. To have the world in my control. I vaporized the competition. Nobody understands me. It's not. Evil! I gave you my heart and then you turned around. Romantic pony dreams, they never came to be. I gave you my heart and then you turned around
Twilight please make this song end, we're a bunch of floating heads!
Just take it from me, I know you'll come around! Though the law forbids it, this is kismet Say "I do" and seal our souls together.
Voulez-vous, our love will last forever
Since we're not related it'll be OK. So different now from what it seemed. Now life has killed the dream I dreamed
That was the creepiest thing I've ever heard.
While Twilight was singing that song, I thought up a new word. It's called "blarf"! I don't know what it means yet, but I know it's gonna be big!
Hey, look who's finally invited! Victory for Spike the dragon! I wonder if I'll be a prominent part of this episode?
Are you gonna be a sourpuss, sourpatch?
I'm just thinking about B.B.B.F.F.
Ben, Ben, Ben, Frances, and Francis are planning their Desperation tour, so I'll probably see my brother even less than before.
Come on now. You're his sister! You could always be a groupie.
Or I could be his legally binded groupie for life!
This force field prevents all dragons from entering Canterlot.
Woah! What's with all the multiracial guards?
It's important to demonstrate to kids that both blacks AND whites can be subservient to our white demi-god.
I hope we don't have to wait in line.
You do, but I have a fast pass. I'm the Princess of the Night. You've got me stomping mad, Francis!
Twily! I haven't seen you since the Brohoof Bash! How's my favorite sibling?
How dare you expect a brohoof when you're getting married without my permission!?
Sorry Twily!
Things have been totally gnarly around here. And I mean the bad kinda gnarly, where things are gnarled!
I don't care about your problems! There's no excuse.
Sorry I wicked bailed on you, Twi-Twi.
I was too busy shredding waves, and eating corn dogs! I haven't even had time to read all those pink, flowery-scented letters you keep sending me! I hope the guards didn't give you any trouble. Since this wedding is so important, the military is enforcing a strict friend-zone. I know we've gotten distant lately. It seems like the only times I see you anymore are through ghostly images of your disembodied head.
How could you think it's okay to go off and start your own family? Don't you know that you're supposed to be MY family?
Hey. You're my little sister. That's why I want you to be a big part of my wedding! Because I love you the way all brothers love their little sisters!
You want me to be a big part of your wedding!?
Well.. yeah! I accept! But when we get rid of this other mare, we'll have to make it look like an accident. Who even is this Cadence Not-evil-Good-pony?
Cadence is a world peace advocate, an organ donor, a wildlife conservationist, a children's book author and the freely elected leader of her own country!
Francis, I told you, I don't like to brag!
Hi there! I will destroy you and steal your fiancé! Booty-booty-booty-booty rockin' everywhere!
Cadence, it's me, Twilight!
Uh-huh.
I'm so glad we're all together now. My little unicorn sister, who I love in a completely platonic way. And my beautiful alicorn bride, who I love with burning romantic passion! Now, you two get bonding. I incest!
(spike imitating) Don't worry, Spike! We'll adopt you!
Hiya, Princess!
Please, you can just call me Cadence.
Hiya, Princess Princess Princess Princess! I whipped up some special treats just for you!
Oh good! I thought I told you I'm allergic to apples
Sure did! I ignore things that challenge me! Enjoy all those apple tarts! I know how you love apples!
And when she looks at me, it's like she thinks I'm not special! Oh, I'll be so much happier when she's gone for good!
Wait, what? Is she talking about me?
Your Highness! Let me start by saying that you and Francis Sparkle will have many, many beautiful babies!
Ok is my dress ready?
Oh, right, the dress. It's made entirely of spider silk, and stronger than kevlar! But thinner than filament!
Hm, well, it doesn't really look like a wedding dress.
I think it's lovely!
Me too!
I like pants!
Just fix the dress, ok?
Gee, maybe her name should be Princess Stupid!
Suh-wish! Oh, hi, sister, I've been looking everywhere for you.
This is actually a bad time.
Oh, uh, ok
Bet I can guess what you're all thinking.
Cadence is an evil shapeshifter queen who's trying to feast on my brother's love!
We're so proud!
Spike, dreams are for winners!
Cadence seems perfectly normal! I'm sure you're just projecting your flaws.
Rarity, she rejected your dress!
Well, of course she did! And she was very gracious about my blatant insanity.
Applejack, did you see the way she kicked that baby in the face? Well, I don't remember that, but I'll take your word for it.
And, I saw her painting blood runes in the castle courtyard!
I thought it was awfully sweet of her to help me with that.
Rainbow Dash, you must have noticed her devil horns and bad breath.
Woah, what are these weird thingies on my back?
Good news, Twilight. Cadence is going to become our seventh official cast member!
Don't you get it!? You're all just pawns in one of her sick mind games! She'll destroy you all to fulfill her own selfish desires!
Sugarcube, you're talking crazier than rattlesnake in a spelling bee.
Mm-hmm.
I'm the Princess of the Night, and I always get what I want!
Twily! Look Twily, it's shiny, your favorite! Huh? Twily sad!
We need to talk. I secretly have feelings for y-
Oh, uh, hi, corndog!
Look who crawled out of her coffin.
Could I speak to you for a moment, dear?
I'm gonna get laid!
Twilight and her friends are all really weird.
What are you talkin' about? They're radical!
No, her friends are all one-dimensional caricatures and it's starting to rub off on you.
That's not true!
You're wearing an outfit made of corndogs!
You know how much I love corndogs!
What!? Ever since Twilight got here, you've been acting like some poorly written gag character!
What's going on now? Are you hurt?
Did SHE do this?
Cadence is evil!
Twily?
Oh, Twilight, do you wanna hang out? Oh, uh, ok, maybe later.
Everyone pay attention to me! I think Cadence is-
Puns! Puns! Puns! Puns!
I think Cadence is-
Puns! Puns! Puns! Puns!
What're you..?
Puns! Puns! Puns! Puns!
Puns! Puns! Puns! Puns!
Oh, I've got one!
What about, "Neigh Yes to Distress"?
Hey Twilight, we're thinkin' of different puns for the episode title!
You're thinking of puns? Without me!? But girls!
For example, "Oh Brother, Where Art Vows"?
What about, "Horse Drawn Marriage"?
Or, "Put Out to Pastor"?
Or, "Significant Brother"?
Maybe we can just kinda divide it into parts and use them all?
Dash, whatchu smokin', girl?
"To Hat and to Hold".
That's a good one!
I would have said, "Foaly Matripony". Oh staircase, you're my only friend. Yes I love my brother, Francis Spa~arkle!
(cue socker boppers commercial break)
Socker Boppers!
You can sock all day
and bop all night!
Socker Boppers!
More fun than a pillow fight!
Blow em up, put your hand inside!
Get ready to have the time of your life!
Socker Boppers! Socker Boppers. More fun than a pillow fight.
By Big Time Toys.
Socker Boppers!
Welcome, citizens of Equestria, to the humble wedding of Princess Cadence, and Francis Sparkle. Rather than having an extravagant wedding, Cadence has donated the wedding budget to cancer research. And now, Francis will complete the ceremony by doing a triple kickflip off of this skateboard.
Hey, where did my skateboard go?
Blah-LAA! I stole your skateboard and I'm gonna ruin your wedding! You won't be grinding anything tonight!
Don't worry! I've still got my razor scooter.
Maybe we should just ignore her.
Stop ignoring me!
Drama!
She's evil! Just because she's a princess Cadence thinks she can have whatever I want! But I know she's mean and wicked, and if I were crazy could I do THIS?
I wuh- Why are you doing this to me!?
Because I hate you! Get out! The only one worthy of my brother's love is me!
I hereby decree that Francis Sparkle and Twilight Sparkle are officially married! They aren't really biologically related, so this isn't weird at all.
Whaddya know? I threw a tantrum and everything turned out exactly the way I wanted it to. That's how we know I'm the good guy!
I sure am happy to be marrying you, Twily. But what happened to that OTHER purple princess?
Oh don't worry, I took care of her.
No, please don't hurt me!
You stay here!
Yes of course, I'll do anything you ask, just leave me alone, I'll do anything!
Gee, this has been one crazy week and yet, I feel nothing!
And you never will again.
Cowabunga!
Now THIS was a blarf wedding.
I can't believe Twilight's married! This is really gonna change the status quo!