Epic Pony Time/Transcripts

Transcripts

Epic Cupcake Time

Pinkie Pie: Epic Cupcake Time! I'm Pinkie Pie, this is Rainbow Dash. Right now, she's Rainbow Glasses.

Rainbow Dash: You know!

Pinkie Pie: And today, we're gonna show you how to make crazy cupcakes! Call Twilight Sparkle. Sh[yay]t's about to get magical. Got my magnum of rainbow juice, about to change the friendship game. Whatcha know about sugar comas?

Rainbow Dash: Uh... yeah?

Pinkie Pie: Just got back from Applejack's place, stole five bags of sugar. Now, we're gonna use it. More sugar. More sugar! More sugar!

Rainbow Dash: Uh, Pinkie Pie... That's a lot of sugar.

Pinkie Pie: Now the flour. [mixing flour] This ain't your mother's milk[?]. Now we add the rainbow juice! [yay]'s smart! Now to toast these bitches, got my home dragon Spike, about to get hotter than a rainbow! I know!

[flames roaring]

Pinkie Pie: All these cupcakes look like blank flanks. Time to decorate.

Rainbow Dash: About to get all "Sonic Rainboom" on these bitches!

Pinkie Pie: Flowers! Rainbow! Friendships! F[yay]kin' beautiful!

Rainbow Dash: Pile on the frosting! More frosting! So! Much! Frosting! Gonna need another Winter Wrap-Up by the time this is done!

Pinkie Pie: You're sitting at home crying like a little bitch, I'm here with these beautiful ponies. What now, hater?

Pinkie Pie: Next time... we eat Apple Jacks.

Applejack: Beg your pardon?

Epic Pie Time

Pinkie Pie: Today, we have Applejack here.

Applejack: Uh... howdy?

Pinkie Pie: And Rarity too... if she didn't decide to pussy out! Call her up. Tell her she's a little bitch. We're about to go "pony-fabulous" on all these apples.

[Epic Pie Time (I'mma get drunk off this @#$%!)]

Pinkie Pie: Epic Pie Time here at Sugarcube Corner, about to get down with some apple pies. Granny Smith. Big Macintosh. Golden and red delicious. Applejack Daniel's, mutha[squee]ka, what up?!

[apples mashing]

Pinkie Pie: Next level mushing apparatus.Next, we add the sugar, spice, and everything nice. But we ain't got no Chemical X! Instead, we got the good sh[squee]. Apple-J-D!

[bottle shatters]

Pinkie Pie: Time for the crust. First the flour. Then the water. And now, the eggs.

[eggs break]

Pinkie Pie: Applejack beatin' those eggs like she beats Apple Bloom.

Applejack: What'd ya say?

Pinkie Pie: Nothing. Just um, keep beating. Time to mix it up. What up, egg beatah?!

Vinyl Scratch: Let's spin this sh[squee]t!

[music: "Existence VIP" by Excision and Downlink]

Pinkie Pie: More Applejack Daniel's!

[bottle shatters]

Pinkie Pie: Now, time to bake these bitches.

[oven door thuds]

Rainbow Dash: Ugh! How am I gonna pay for all this?!

Pinkie Pie: You like cartoons? We got cartoons. www.hoofflix.com/cupcakes! You get one-month-free trial of all the cartoons you want, and we get cupcake money! Don't you f[squee]k this up for me! I need my cupcake money!

[oven dings]

Pinkie Pie: Done! And now, things get delicious. Hay bacon strips. Hay bacon strips. Hay bacon strips. Hay bacon strips. And now, we cream on this bitch!

[whipped cream spraying]

Pinkie Pie: Okay, now which one of ya [squee]s is gonna eat this beast?!

[door bursts open]

Rarity: Which one of you f[squee]ing pieces of sh[squee]t called me a bitch?! [screams] [eats loudly]

Pinkie Pie: Next time, we eat Skrillex.

[credits]

Epic Wub Time: Musicians of Ponyville

Twilight Sparkle: Ah, what a beautiful day. Time to get to my studies an

[dubstep]

Twilight Sparkle: Aah!

Vinyl Scratch: Aw, yeah! Good morning, Ponyville!

[Epic Wub Time: Musicians of Ponyville]

Interviewer: So, Octavia, what are your mornings usually like, living with a DJ?

Octavia: I wake up every morning, I come downstairs, she's doing the dishes. She's great, right? A roommate who does the dishes. Only... one problem. She cleans them with... wubs. Ugh.

[dubstep]

Vinyl Scratch: We crank that bass up to 11, it cleans off the dishes on a microscopic level! Yeah!

[glass shatters]

Octavia: I was going to be first-chair cellist for the Royal Canterlot Symphony. How is this my life?

Interviewer: It seems your roommate Octavia has very refined tastes. Does that ever lead to, say, clashes between the two of you?

Vinyl Scratch: What? Oh! Nah, nah, man, she's cool. I mean, yeah, she can get kinda snooty now and then, but... what can ya do? S'all good. I mean, for instance, she's got real high standards. Like, one time, I hooked her up with this wicked-cool dude and she totally snubbed him! What's up with that?

Octavia: Vinyl knows all of the really great musicians in town, and she introduced me to a violinist I... well, rather admired from afar, but hadn't had the chance to meet professionally. We met at Sugarcube Corner for a spot of tea, but... things quickly... got out of hoof.

Octavia: [giggles]

Pinkie Pie: Who's up for a cupcake-eating contest?!

Violinist: [groans angrily]

Octavia: A-are you... alright?

Violinist: Yes, but I can never resist a challenge!

Octavia: Uh...

[crashing]

Violinist: Ah told you! Ah told you I'd win! Next time, Pinkie... next time, I'll eat all your cupcakes!

Pinkie Pie: [meekly] Please, no...

Octavia: It could have gone better.

Vinyl Scratch: I dunno, he seemed like a cool guy to me. What did I tell ya? Up. Tight. Actually... I think I still have his number!

[smartphone beeping]

Vinyl Scratch: Why do I even have this?

[burning, minor explosion]

Interviewer: So, Octavia, although you have your share of differences, it seems the two of you still manage to live together in harmony. Is that fair to say?

Octavia: Well, yes, we do share our differences, but Vinyl usually means well. There was that one time when she saved Ponyville from certain destruction.

Discord: [laughing evilly] Oh, I'm so happy I decided to come back and take over again. Oh, this is far easier than I ever expected it would... Hold on. Who are you?

Vinyl Scratch: Alright, everypony, take a seat. I got this.

Discord: [laughing] And what, pray tell, is that?

Vinyl Scratch: Aw, it's nothin' special. It's just my bass cannon!

[loud dubstep starts playing]

Discord: [screams]

Rainbow Dash: So... awesome...

Vinyl Scratch: Even though we have our differences, Octavia's still one of my best friends. She's one of the most generous ponies I know, and always helps me out in a jam.

Octavia: Hey, do you want the rest of the sandwich?

Vinyl Scratch: [loud gasp]

Vinyl Scratch: [crying] She really taught me what friendship could mean that day... and it was delicious.

[credits]

Epic Crossover Time: Uncle Chan Adventures

[raining, thunder]

[sounds of Spike sneaking, taking cookie]

Spike: Oh secret cookie stash! How I love you so!

[thunder, twice]

Twilight Sparkle: [yawning] [groggily] Spike? What are you doing?

[click]

Spike: [shuddering]

Uncle: Aii-yaaaaaaa!

Spike: [screaming]

[thud]

[Jackie Chan Adventures theme music]

Epic Rage Time: The Incredible Derp

Derpy: Hello, Mr. Cake! I'm here to pick up today's Lemon Muffin Surprise!

Mr. Cake: Good morning, Derpy. I'm sorry, but we just ran out of them.

Derpy: W-Wha... What do you mean... "ran out"?

Mr. Cake: Uh, somepony just bought the last batch. How about a cupcake instead?

Derpy: Cupcakes aren't for breakfast! Who took them?

Mr. Cake: Snowflake! It was Snowflake!

[thud]

Derpy: [screams]

[Epic Rage Time: The Incredible Derp]

Derpy: Derpy want muffins!

[glass shatters]

Derpy: Have you seen my muffins?!

[bird chirping]

Lyra: Hands...?

Bon Bon: She means no.

Derpy: [screams]

[stomping]

Twilight Sparkle: [gasp] Derpy! Why are you so upset?

[ponies screaming]

Derpy: Derpy want muffins!

Twilight Sparkle: What if we baked you new ones?

Derpy: It was Lemon Surprise!

Twilight Sparkle: [screams]

Princess Celestia and royal guard: [laughing]

Twilight Sparkle: [screams]

[glass shatters]

Twilight Sparkle: Oof!

Princess Celestia: Oh! Hello, Twilight.

[crash]

Princess Celestia: Mother of me...

Derpy: NO!!!

Snowflake: [munching]

Derpy: [roars]

[lasers firing]

Derpy: [growls]

[ponies screaming]

Vinyl Scratch: Alright! A laser show!

Mr. Cake: Wait! Derpy! I made a mistake! We had one left!

Derpy: Yay! [munching]

Vinyl Scratch: Boo! More lasers!

[thunk]

[explosion]

Princess Celestia: Maybe I should visit them more often...