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Spike: Ow! My leg!
Applebloom: Wow Applejack! Watching you jump and throw stuff is cheaper and more fun than summer camp!
Applejack: and more fun than college! You remember that.
Applebloom: I will sis! After all, you're the highest ranking officer in Ponyville! Why you even attached all your war medals to the barn so I would always remember! And when the sun hits your glistening flank just right, you're almost as sexy as David H. Murdock, current chairman of the Dole corporation!
Rainbow Dash: Huh? Now careful, Raincloud!
[shot pans to Raincloud]
[silence]
Rainbow Dash: Yeah. It's a mystery.
Crowd: Applejack (x7)
Mayor Mare: Everypony, my name isn't Applejack, It's Mayor Mare. Yes, we are all here to see off Applejack as she retrieves her two free iPod Nanos!
Crowd: [cheering]
Voice in the crowd: I love music.
Mayor Mare: And, Applejack has generously offered to share one of her iPods with all of Ponyville, to distract us from the tentacle monster that continues to ravage our laser tag arena!
Crowd: [cheering]
Voice in the crowd: Music makes me forget.
Applejack: Aw shucks! I'm just doin my part to help ignore the disaster! As soon as that little window popped up telling me I had won, I knew we could finally put up the town supply headphone splitters to good use! I promise to make Ponyville forget!
Crowd: [cheering]
Voice in the crowd: Applejack is my hero!
---
Granny Smith: I don't belong in the realm of the living, send me back before It's too late!
Applejack: You betcha Granny Smith!
Mayor Mare: And remember your training!
Applejack: Just terrible, Mayor!
Pinkie Pie: Don't forget your roots! That's what I did. But now I'm finally getting back in touch with my inner g**sy, and my magic candy told me that your trip is gonna be the bomb!
Twilight Sparkle: Just ignore Pinkie Pie.
Applejack: Eeyup, just like always.
Conductor: The Friendship Express is headed straight for your bedroom, tell your parents to buy one for you!
Applejack: Only thirty bucks!
Rainbow Dash: See ya in a dash!
Applebloom: Please don't leave us forever!
Mayor Mare: Don't get distracted!
Applejack: Puns aren't funny, mayor. See y'all in a week with a gigantic bag of iPod nanos!
Pinkie Pie: And say hi to the Nigerian prince! What? He owes me money.
---
Fluttershy: Oh, I hope Applejack shares her iPod Nanos with me first.
Rainbow Dash: Hey, I called first dibs!
Fluttershy: I know, I just wanna listen to Twilight's podcast at the gym, without her standing there, shouting at me.
Twilight Sparkle: Raincloud's here, and she brought me a letter!
Applebloom: Hey, shouldn't we invite Raincloud to the party?
Rainbow Dash: No, she'll never be one of us!
Applebloom: What's it say Twilight? I can't read!
Twilight Sparkle: It's from Applejack! My dear friends, I've been kidnapped into slavery. There are no nanos.
[gasps]
Twilight Sparkle: Get me out of here before it's too late. That's all there is.
[gasps]
Applebloom: Applejack... doesn't love us?
Rainbow Dash: I knew she'd abandon us once she learned to write! She's too good for us!
Granny Smith: Knowledge is a dangerous thing.
Applebloom: Like Cheerilee always warned!
Rarity: She must have found a better group of friends that sprung from all the extra cable channels.
Fluttershy: How will we ever compete with Noggin, or The Hub!?
Rainbow Dash: Well if we can't be her friends, no one can!
Twilight Sparkle: We have to find Applejack otherwise the six pony tandem bicycle I bought will look ridiculous.
Applebloom: Please bring back my favorite sibling!
Granny Smith: Don't die.
-----
Twilight Sparkle: Okay girls, you know the plan. We'll locate Applejack using the sub-dermal tracking device I've implanted in all of my friends. Once we find her we'll present her with this totally cool friendship bracelet I made, and she'll start crying and say I'm the best friend ever, and she's sorry she left and she wants to come home! And then we'll have a party and everypony will pick me up on their shoulders and carry me around and cheer! Twilight Sparkle! Twilight Sparkle! Yay!!
Rainbow Dash: In the meantime, I'll be our Applejack.
Rainbow Dash: (in Applejack's voice): Let's rainbow some of these here dashes!
Rainbow Dash: (normal voice): [laughs] That is so something she'd say! I hope Applejack doesn't turn out to be dead. I can't tell you how many times I thought my friends ditched me, but they were just dead!
Twilight Sparkle: This train ride is taking forever!
Fluttershy: I tried to walk to the caboose, but the train just keeps going.
Pinkie Pie: I'm getting a psychic vision!
Twilight Sparkle: Uwaa! this is ConJunction girls. Unless we find Applejack in the next five seconds, I say we give up and go home.
Rarity: Oh! Applejack we found you!
Fluttershy: Have you gained weight?
Applejack: uhh, did yall get my... message?
Rainbow Dash: yes and we were so confused !
Rarity: why would you leave?
Fluttershy: do you hate us?
Pinkie Pie: where are the nanos?
Twilight Sparkle: please just tell us what the problem is.
Applejack: well...
Whiplash: number eight? Are you fraternizing with the tourists?
Twilight Sparkle: yes maam
Rarity: (babbles)
Whiplash: why I'm whiplash, the owner of this here plantation. I feared number eight might write to some of her Ponyville friends but I am well prepared. Im sure you all will have a blast
Applejack: aw shucks whiplash, you don't have to bring them into this.
Whiplash: well you brought them here. really now did you think i’d teach you to write with no consequences? Now, when I saw such a strong pony at one of my contests, I knew if I had her on my staff she'd do a bang up job. She knows what happens when she tries to leave. Well, bon voyage!
Rainbow Dash: bon voyage? since when do you speak latin!
Applejack: since I came here. whiplash is my employer now and I have to do whatever she says, or else. Now listen closely. Tell Big Macintosh the eagle has landed in the pond and theres a bomb strapped to the eagle.
Rainbow Dash: Excuse me, princess, but I think our friendship is worth more than the life of one measly eagle!
Applejack: I'll be at the cherry orchard at 16 hundred hours. don't meet me there, and do NOT bring wire cutters.
Twilight Sparkle: I don't know what happened, I didnt pay attention to any of that stuff!
Rainbow Dash: plan B then, Pinkies annoying songs.
Pinkie Pie: what? annoying songs? you told me they were endearing!
--
Pinkie Pie: hey Applejack!
Applejack: huH!? Did you bring any wire cutters?
Pinkie Pie: no actually!
Pinkie Pie: wanna hear the song I sing to my parents? OH sorry, the song they sang to me
Applejack: doesnt matter which one Pinkie, as long as It's not one of those sad ones with a deceptively happy tune.
Pinkie (singing) when you're rife with devastation theres a simple explanation you're a toymakers creation trapped inside a crystal ball and whichever way he tilts it know that we must be resilient we wont let them break our spirits as we sing out silly song when I was a little filly a galloping blaze overtook my city so they shipped me off to the orphanage said ditch those roots if you wanna fit in, So I dug one thousand holes and cut a rug with orphaned foals. Now memories are blurred and their faces are obscured but I still know the words to this song. when youve bungled all your bangled and you loved ones have been mangled listen to the jingle jangle of my g**sy tambourine cuz these chords are hypnotizing and the whole worlds harmonizing so please children stop your crying and just sing along with me
(while Pinkie is singing) Applejack: no!! make it stop make it stop
Rainbow Dash: she wont shut up unless you come back with us.
Applejack: I can't!
Applejack: alright I know what I have to just stop the music! please! just wait until five after one tomorrow, then thisll all make sense
Rainbow Dash: 1:05? sounds arbitrary.
Pinkie Pie: do you pippington promise?
Applejack: (sigh) when the time comes youll understand. pippington promise.
---
Twilight Sparkle: I hope Applejack didnt push our clocks back so we didnt miss out appointment
Rainbow Dash: so unrainbow
Pinkie Pie: I've messed with time before, and there havent been any noticeable consequences
Twilight Sparkle: I hope Applejack didnt push our clocks back so we didnt miss out appointment
Rainbow Dash: so unrainbow
Pinkie Pie: I've messed with time before, and there havent been any noticeable consequences
Pinkie Pie: wake up Applejack! Sleep is for the weak!
---
Applejack: saddle up fellas, It's a good day to die
Twilight Sparkle: she wont get away. look! a smaller, flimsier, two-pony cart you can both pull me in.
Applejack: woah! What the cornball?
Rainbow Dash: rainbow smash!
Applejack: wuh? hey! you jerks. GRAVY! I'll give you a nickel to outrun them
Twilight Sparkle: I'll give you a piece of string!
Applejack: I'll give you two sticks of gum and a rubber band!
Rarity: she's richer than us.
Pinkie Pie: ah! Applejack you broke your pippington promise how could you!
Applejack: I said five after one, now you five are chasin after me. and soon you;ll understand. I figured seeing me get blown to smithereens would be the nicest way of breaking this to you.
Pinkie Pie: I don't- WHAT?
Applejack: now trust me Pinkie, yall should stay far back. for your own good
Pinkie Pie: you know how I get about abandonment, I'll have to do months of trust exercises to get over this! rarity catch me!
Rarity: what why me? AHH
Twilight Sparkle: Rainbow did you see that?
Rainbow Dash: of course! I have incredible peripherals.
--
Applejack: lambchop! good thing this is the worlds longest train. (censor bleep)
Applejack: barbecue sauce.
Rainbow Dash: your hopes have just been dashed!
Applejack: there. are ya happy.
Twilight Sparkle: about what?
Applejack: well just look
Twilight Sparkle: hmmm, hey look! you won the worlds largest iPod nano! and it came with a clock app!
Applejack: there were never any nanos, whiplash forced me into slavery.
Rainbow Dash: hey are you going yo finish eating that ticking thing?
Applejack: that thing is a bomb! and now its too late. when I left the junction the self destruct activated, but I thought if I ran far enough I could at least spare the lives of my friends
Twilight Sparkle: Applejack! were your friends!
Rainbow Dash: im Rainbow Dash! we don't care if you won fifty nanos. you're the best apple thing of all
Applejack: Wait, are you even listening to what I'm saying?
rd twlilight and Fluttershy: nod in disagreement
Applejack: Don’t yall understand? when that clock reaches zero were all gonna die in a fiery explosion.
Fluttershy: Applejack, we can always find a way to fix that hole in the roof, but if you don't come back , we'll never be able to fix the hole in our hearts.
---
Applejack: Dear Princess Celestia, Today I learned how to write! Twilight suggested that I start sendin you letters every day too! I learned that if you put your mind to it, you can do anything! But beware, because these gifts come with terrible consequences. Sometimes, It's better to just know nothin at all! Your faithful farmer, Applejack!